What Messages and Expectations are You Setting Your child?
Sitting at a restaurant the other day having brunch with my son, the last thing on my mind was the dangerous messages we inadvertently send to our children in our ordinary, everyday conversations. However, seated next to us was a couple of mothers with their adorable young children, a little boy and girl, aged around 6. They were obviously friends from school. Being Summer holidays here in Australia the talk turned to going back to school.
The conversation began with one of the mothers asking if her son was excited to go back to school, as she had to return to work too. Her daughter asked her a question we have all been asked a thousand times by our own children, and I bet we have all answered the same way every single time. I know I have. “Why do you need to go back to work Mummy?”
The mother responded with; ” I have to work so I can pay the bills and all the fun things like going to the movies”. At that moment, it dawned on me the negative messages we are sending to our children.
On one hand, we want our children to grow up and earn a good income, doing a job that they not only enjoy but ideally love. We want them to live their best life, contributing their skills to the community. Hoping their job enriches their lives as well as their bank account, we want them to be rewarded in ways money simply cannot. Our dream is for them to feel passionate about the job they do. To wake up each day excited to get to work.
Or do we even think that is achievable? How many people have settled? How many think that an ideal career is just a pipe dream? That there is no escape from the ‘daily grind.’ Worse still we are feeding that belief system to our children.
It is time to change the script.
Imagine for just one moment. The impact on our children and the world if the response to that often asked question was; ” I work because it stimulates my mind and I get a lot of satisfaction from the work I do. I like contributing to the world. It gives me a great sense of purpose and I am very passionate about the work I do”. Or a simple “Because I Love it!”
We repeat the answers we have been fed. Granted our parents and grandparents who lived through depressions and wars knew the value of a hard-earned dollar. They were grateful simply to take home a weekly paycheck and be fortunate enough to have a job.
We are the first generation to have the privilege of seeking enjoyment and satisfaction from our work. We have the opportunity to create new messages to lift our children to a brighter future. We can essentially set a new standard, we can also model values and ethics along the way. That career or vocation that we love, that makes us want to spring out of bed each morning may not come straight away, however it is surely more likely to come if we bring an attitude of passion and excitement to whatever jobs we have to take along the way. And just maybe changing the script for our children will incidentally change the script for ourselves.
So next time your child asks you a seemingly run of the mill question, pause for a moment. Think of the opportunity it presents to send a new, fresh and innovative message. It is time to change the script.
